


Take Me Everywhere I Go

by risibleWorld



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Fluff and Angst, How did Fluff get in here?, Hurt Tony, M/M, Possible Character Death, Tony Angst, Tony Being Tony, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, hurt!Tony
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-07
Updated: 2015-06-21
Packaged: 2018-04-03 05:25:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4088593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/risibleWorld/pseuds/risibleWorld
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony gets sick and while the Avengers are willing to move mountains to help their member, there seems to be nothing they can do...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Show Me How To Love

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, normally I REALLY don't do english fanfictions, because- obviously- my english sucks.  
> But I just had to write this one down. Please be gentle with me ^^
> 
> It plays somewhere after the first Avengers movie...

Tony pulled his fingers back with a sharp hiss, as pain shot up his nerves, burning and tickling. He gave his hand a good shake to ease the pain off while cursing under his breath, before taking a closer look at the damaged skin. He cursed once again, just to make himself feel better, before tending the fragile construct of copper wire and circuits again- never mind a little burn!

Improving his Iron man suits had always been delicate work and the billionaire had gotten used to burns of various degrees as well as bumps and bruises in every possible shade of black, blue and purple.

“Dummy- hey, Dummy, focus, will ya! Soldering iron, please.” Stark instructed the apologetic peeping robot to hold mentioned tool exactly over the pointed place, while Tony himself used both of his hands to apply tiny magnets with solder.

“That’s the spirit, good boy” he praised after adjusting the last piece and stretched his sore back. He’d been crunched over his workbench for the last three hours or so he believed, until a short glance at his watch belied his assumption.

There would be hell to listen to, once he’d finally crawled out of his workshop. He knew exactly that Steve would lecture him by every trick in the book. His lover came to terms with his self-destructive habits and chronic insomnia, but that didn’t mean that he approved of any.

Tony heaved a sigh.

“Butterfingers, Dummy, do me a favour and clean this up…” Tony ordered, already turning to leave behind the mess he’d created within the last seven hours. Most importantly, he felt the desperate carving for a big cup of coffee, the need of a shower being only secondary, although he was covered in motor oil and dust.

The engineer left his workshop and used one of the many elevators to reach the higher stories of the Stark tower, strolling into a deserted kitchen shortly afterwards. The windows’ glass reflected the dimly lit scenery within the room for it was still pitch black outside, the sun not about to rise yet.

Tony stopped to watch his own, clearly exhausted form in one of the windows.

Silence pressed down on him while guilt started to spread in his chest for he remembered how he’d disappeared in his workshop almost seven hours ago, leaving an unsettled Steve behind, with nothing but the weak excuse of the burning need to relieve himself in the bathroom.

The billionaire turned away from his reflection to fetch a cup of leftover coffee, the liquid being already cold, and its bitter taste insulted his taste buds when he absentmindedly took a gulp.

He faced his own reflection again, the coffee cup clenched in his hands. There he stood, in the middle of the night, and stared into the eyes of the man he had to life with every day. He tried to get a glimpse underneath the façade, behind the challenging look in those brown eyes, but he saw nothing. So in the end he just stared while time ticked away, eying his own appearance one time and focusing on the deep asleep city the other times.

Silence kept his company, while the darkness felt the light and at one point, JARVIS deactivated the lamps in the kitchen, for the sun had risen over New York’s skyline and lit the room tentatively.

A hand settled on Tony’s shoulder while another one reached around his stomach. Startled and ripped out of the sweet nothingness that had filled his mind, Tony turned his head, just to come face to face with a certain blond he’d abandoned the day before without so much as a warning.

Now, blue eyes caught his gaze and didn’t let go for they seemed to search for an answer. Steve sighed, although having come to terms with Tony’s escape already.

“Just going to the bathroom, wasn’t it?” he asked softly in the otherwise deadly silent kitchen. It took Tony less than a second to gain his usual self assurance.

“Well, I went there. But then I had this really groundbreaking idea how to improve the repulsors’ technology and I had to share it with JARVIS” Tony explained himself smoothly, offering shortly afterwards: “You could have joined me, you know.”

Steve shook his head disbelievingly. “Of course you had a groundbreaking idea. Think you can save them for more _appropriate_ moments from now on?” Although the hurt wasn’t all too obvious in Steve’s voice, Tony caught on easily.

Truth was, he’d gotten afraid and Tony Stark didn’t get afraid. Starks were made of iron. So instead of telling Steve the truth when the lager male had hovered over him, all kisses and affection and _love_ , Tony had opted for the run, because Tony Stark wasn’t good with feelings and if he trusted himself with anything, then it was _fucking_ something this valuable up.

“I guess I can try” he promised without believing in it himself. And Steve easily saw through his lie.

“Sure you will.”

When neither of them said anything else, Steve nuzzled his nose into Tony’s neck, not missing how the latter got rigid in his hold. The Captain sighed inwardly.

It had been a few months now since Tony and him where in _this kind_ of relationship, yet whenever he tried to bridge the gap separating them, Tony would retreat even farther. Slowly but surely, Steve got the impression of being unable to overcome whatever it was that stood between them.

He hummed low into the engineer’s neck, sucking in the dusty smell of motor oil and sweat. It did nothing to relax his lover who seemed the same on the edge as ever.

“You might wanna fetch a shower” Steve pointed out to the other but despite his words, he didn’t let go. Not yet. Just a _little_ bit more-

“Yeah, great idea! Awesome! Right!” Tony sprang into action the very moment, wiggling out of Steve’s grip. “JARVIS, run the water!” he ordered overly excitedly, already fussing out of the room, leaving an utterly disappointed Captain America behind. _Again_.

* * *

 

 

When Tony re-entered the kitchen, the silence had been chased away by a bunch of utterly active Avengers, gossiping over the breakfast table.

Bruce tended a big cup of coffee, Romanov enjoyed a bowl of cereals soaked in cold milk and Clint – not sitting on the table like every civilized person – sat on the kitchen counter, his loud comments flying through the whole room, as he participated in the other’s conversation anyway.

Thor was the only one out of sight when Tony first set foot into the room, but soon turned out to hover over the toaster and was therefore occupied with the hard task of not breaking it.

 _Steve_ – sitting on the table with Romanov and Bruce – looked up upon Tony entering and his blue eyes’ gaze found Tony’s easily, holding more than words could ever express. Hurt and _accusation_ or so Tony thought to read in his stare. The engineer looked away fast and decided on a face-splitting grin instead, always covering up his own insecurities.

“Good morning! Aw, birdbrain, it’s hard to wrap your mind around the purpose of chairs, isn’t it- Thor, I swear to God- well, to- ya know, a different God- if you break the toaster, I’ll invent one that will haunt you for nights to come, cross my heart!” Despite his threat Tony’s easygoing attitude never changed.

Thor solemnly gave him a strange look.

Out of the corner of his eyes, the billionaire caught Steve shaking his head ever so slightly and averting his gaze on his sandwich again, not commenting Tony’s behaviour. After all, there wasn’t much the soldier could have said in the presence of the other Avengers anyways, at least not without giving away their kind of relationship.

“Good morning to you too, Tony. Can’t be everyone a genius, can they?” Clint retorted pretty untouched by the other’s comment and shoved an unbelievable giant bite of his breakfast into his mouth. Tony watched him with a carefully chosen expression of slight disgust combined with something as close to awe as he could muster.

“Good to know that big mouth of yours is good for more than barking” Tony retorted smoothly, joining Thor in the kitchenette as he strolled over to the coffee machine. Barton answered with a snort, managing to spit a few words out, despite the big ball of food in his mouth he had to talk around.

“You are one to talk.”

Tony left it at that, pouring himself a cup of freshly brewed, hot coffee and enjoying the smell that filled his nostrils. Thor finished his fight with the toaster as the winning party and joined the Avengers at the kitchen table. In the background Tony heard him, Bruce and Natasha argue over something concerning Hulk-problems and at times, Hawkeye would meddle.

Tony stood – much like only few hours before – frozen to his spot, clenching his cup in his hands, staring at nothing in particular. The Avengers’ voices drowned out, leaving only the _tick_ , _tick_ , _tick_ of his watch in the otherwise silent room.

“-ny. Hey, anyone still in there?” It was Steve’s voice that snapped him out of the surrealism the moment had held, dragging him back to reality.

He spun around, surprise carefully concealed with a big shit-eating grin.

“Yeah, sure, just thinking. I could invent a Thor-proof toaster” he answered smoothly, knowing that Steve already caught on to something being utterly wrong.

“Now that I’m thinking about it, it would be more a Thor-and-Captain-America-proof toaster. Although the market gap should be pretty small on this. I mean, who needs a toaster that could withstand the Chitauri, other than SHIELD maybe?”

Steve gave him a slightly annoyed look, wondering when the genius would ever stop talking bullshit – of course, he would never admit to using strong language, even in his thoughts – and just tell him what was wrong.

The soldier had to fight the desperate wish to go over to Tony and engulf him in a tight hug, not letting go, _never_ letting go, and just holding the latter close, no matter the world around them. But the engineer would nowhere near appreciate the affection and then, there were the other Avengers, so oblivious to what had built between the two men. Bluntly said, there were a time and a place for everything, and now was neither the time nor the place to hold Tony close.

Steve settled for a grim expression. Tony didn’t even so much as eye him. The genius turned, obviously about to leave the kitchen.

“Well then, I have to share this stunning idea with JARVIS. Ya know, just call me if an emergency comes up. The usual” and with that being said, Tony left, beyond question making his way down to his workshop, where he would undoubtedly spent the next few hours in liberating silence.

* * *

 

 

“JARVIS, run all test available” Tony ordered the second he entered his workshop. He was greeted by a brief moment of silence, before the AI’s British accent filled the room.

“Run the tests on what, Sir?”

“On me. Something’s wrong with me. I’m spacing out more than normally and- I’m just not _alright_ , got it?” he snapped slightly at JARVIS, feeling sorry the very instant the harsh words had left his mouth.

“Sorry, J. It’s just- that’s not me…” Tony concluded for lack of better explanation. He strolled over to his workbench, noticing satisfied that Dummy and Butterfingers had fulfilled their task of cleaning his mess up.

The engineer grabbed some tools, screwdrivers and copper wire and positioned them elsewhere, just to busy his hands while JARVIS ran the tests as ordered.

The results came back blank.

“There is no result of any test indicating that something is _physically_ wrong with you, Sir. I’m sorry; I assume the problem lies elsewhere.”

“ _Elsewhere_?” Tony stressed questioning.

“Correct, Sir. I may not be an exper-” JARVIS got interrupted by the workshop’s doors opening, exposing a grim, yet otherwise unreadable Steve.

Tony’s perfectly concealing façade slipped from his face only for a heartbeat, before he caught himself again and smiled brightly at the Cap.

“Told ya you could join me” he told the blond, busying his hands again with relocating tools that had been put away neatly by his robots.

Steve didn’t answer right away. He closed the distance between him and his lover with few steps, coming to a halt right in front of the smaller and looking down on him. “And so I did.”

A light-heartedly smile was still plastered over Tony’s face, but Steve noticed how the latter gulped visibly and the soldier’s heart sank into his stomach. He searched the engineer’s brown orbs for something- _anything_ \- unsure of what it even was he was looking for.

“And so I did.” Steve repeated, this time more forcefully. Tony flinched ever so slightly.

Steve took in Tony’s body language, not making much sense of his lover. Tony wasn’t all touchy-feely and stuff and Steve had noticed it soon into their relationship, but now it seemed they’d only drifted away farther instead of growing closer. Steve slowly but surely got tired of the other’s irritating behaviour.

Although he’d been really annoyed with the genius at first, he’d – just like all the other Avengers – soon learned to love Tony’s quirks as well as his absolute bothersome way of covering his true feelings up. But that was as long as he actually knew what was going on in the other’s head, as long as there was a way for him to catch a glimpse behind the mask. Now, Tony’s constant retreat was nothing but unnerving and Steve had had enough of chasing the fleeing billionaire.

“I said I did.” The Captain couldn’t keep his voice void of all the emotions he kept bottled up and a tiny hint of anger was delivered to Tony, who lifted his chin in a self-defending manner.

“Yeah, I can see that.”

Steve snorted, frustration now clearly visible on his face.

“Want to talk about yesterday? Or what happened in the kitchen earlier?”

Tony took a step back, bringing some distance between him and his lover, _retreating_ from Steve.

“Oh that, I really was just thinking. You know, about- everything and nothing” the engineer was quick to reassure. Steve cut him off before he could ramble on.

“I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about _us_.” The soldier enforced his statement by taking a step forward and leaning down.

His lips tasted Tony’s, his tongue brushing past smooth skin and it was moments like this that Steve knew why he was putting so much afford into this relationship. It was moments like this that his heart would beat like crazy and the warm – almost painfully _hot_ – sensation would spread in his chest, all dark thoughts blown away.

Steve deepened the kiss, ignoring Tony going rigid again. The engineer seemed to freeze in place at first, but soon melted into the kiss, just like Steve wished he would melt in every touch- would accept, take, and give.

“See, everything’s alright.” Steve mumbled against his lover’s lips, before pulling away in favour of sucking in a much needed breath. Tony looked like he felt the same;

The billionaire didn’t answer, just stood and stared, stared at Steve, stared right _through_ him.

“Now _please_ , could you tell me what’s going on in that fascinating mind of yours?” The Captain almost _pleaded_ , because there was nothing else he could do, other than to _plead and hope_ Tony would tell him.

“I…” Tony started hesitantly, one hand coming up to comb through his brown hair absentmindedly. “I’m sorry. I guess- I kind of freak out yesterday…” the genius finally admitted, having obvious trouble with voicing his own fallibility.

Steve’s gaze softened. Indeed, Tony was no touchy-feely man. Not when the touches actually _meant_ something, when they were more than mere flippancies.

He brought his own hands up, one settling on Tony’s hip, while the other caught the engineer’s stray hand and put it in a firm grip. The skin that pressed against his palm was slightly cooler and Steve rubbed it absentmindedly, just enjoying the moment for once, because right now, he wasn’t left behind, wasn’t left _out_.

Steve leaned down again, kissing Tony’s soft lips, tasted them, enjoying the warm feeling that spread in his chest. Oh, how he wished he could do that anywhere and anytime.

It had been a silent agreement, the subject of which had never been openly discussed or elaborated. It had gone without words that Tony and Steve wouldn’t fill the rest of the Avengers in on their relationship.

At first, it had never been an option to Steve to start with. After all, Tony and he were both _males_. Now, the thought wasn’t as unfamiliar and _disturbing_ anymore and Steve caught himself more and more often, how he wished the others would know, so he could just walk up to Tony and kiss him, press his body longingly against the smaller ones.

He didn’t know Tony’s reasons for not wanting to tell anyone, but Steve felt uncomfortable just thinking about talking that subject through.

His hand wiggled under the fabric of Tony’s shirt and brushed along smooth skin. As if on cue, Tony went rigid again and Steve sighed against the other’s lips.

“Everything’s alright. See?” he tried to coax Tony into relaxing again, letting go of his hand and settling in the engineer’s neck instead, where he slightly pulled on loose strands of brown hair. Again, the question whatever Tony had his issues with them both being men crossed Steve’s mind.

It was washed away when he heard Tony’s words, barley above a whisper: “I don’t wanna fuck it up”

Steve’s heart clenched at the sincerity and vulnerability the genius’ voice held. He kissed him again, demanding and possessive. Then he stilled, just for a heartbeat, to look the smaller in the eye. “You won’t. _We_ won’t.” he promised softly.

Now that Tony’d swallowed his pride, he seemed to feel the desperate need to elaborate this issue. “It’s what I’m best at, you know. Fucking good things up. I don’t- I don’t wanna fuck _this_ \- _us_ up.” he billionaire confessed, still whispering, as if he was afraid the world could listen in.

Steve felt a sudden pang of guilt in his chest. He’d gotten annoyed with chasing after Tony, who’d been afraid of- of _all this_ breaking into small pieces. Without a second thought he brought the smaller man close to his front, engulfing him in a firm, yet gentle hug, nuzzling into Tony’s neck, while the latter pressed his face against the Cap’s broad chest.

“Already told ya- we won’t. Absolutely not. Cross to my heart and hope to die” Steve assured once again.

The couple stood like that, frozen to its place, but other than the times in the kitchen, Tony didn’t just _stay and stare_ , he sucked in the heat Steve’s body radiated, listening in on his lover’s heartbeat.

The billionaire got the sudden feeling that – if Steve was ever to leave him, no matter the reason – he’d take the part of Tony that kept him alive. So forget about insecurities and caution, he’d already put _everything_ in Steve’s hands and if the soldier decided to rip it apart, Tony would have nothing to put up in order to defend himself.

“You know, now would be a good opportunity to make sure I’ll never freak out over touches and feelings like that again…” Tony mumbled against Steve’s chest and he knew the blond had heard him when he shifted slightly.

“You sure?” Now it was Steve who sounded insecure.

“Well- at least if you want…” the engineer offered and it sounded muffled and low for he chose exactly this moment to bury his face in Steve’s broad front. The soldier’s respond was a disbelieving snort. “ _If I want_ ” he echoed. “ _Of course_ I’d like to. But I want you to be sure. To want it _too;_ ” Steve was truly glad that his lover didn’t look up, for his cheeks had claimed a deep shade of red.

“I’m probably never gonna be more sure- so yeah, I’d say right now I’m the closest to ‘I’m ready’ I will ever be.” Tony rambled and Steve got the impression that it wasn’t so much because of what he was offering Steve to do, but rather the fact that he had to – once again – voice what was going on inside his head. Talking about himself, about his feelings and needs made Tony Stark vulnerable and insecure. Who would have thought?

Steve pressed his body closer to the smaller one in his arms, the desperate need to fuse with Tony burning under his skin. Although there was nothing but thin fabric between them, he felt like they weren’t close enough. He wanted more of this soft, warm skin, wanted to touch, to give and to receive, wanted to know and wanted to learn. He wanted _Tony_.

“No running away this time” Steve threatened softly, whispering the words into Tony’s neck. He got rewarded with a jerky nod. “But” the soldier went on, reassuring himself that Tony knew for sure “you can always tell me to stop.” Again, he felt a jerky nod against his chest.

Slightly insecure himself now, Steve placed his hands on Tony’s back, rubbing over covered skin in reassuring circles. The Captain closed his eyes, only concentrating on what he felt – the warm body in his arms, with the cool arc reactor pressing against his chest, together with this perfect face, a nose poking his muscles – and what he heard – the steady heartbeat of a heart that was fragile and constantly in danger of being pierced by shrapnel, and yet, pulsed with the live it held.

Oh God, how much he loved this man. How much he loved Tony Stark. _How much_ he loved Tony! But he knew better than to voice it now, for Tony would have only retreated, getting anxious and panicking again, afraid of actually having something he could lose.

Instead, Steve settled on stealing his hands under Tony’s shirt, continuing with rubbing soothing circles on the engineer’s back, while fusing their lips in a breathtaking kiss. The warm feeling spread again in his chest and – as his fingertips travelled over Tony’s body – in his crotch as well.

Tony still in his arms, he tucked on the smaller man’s shirt and pulled it over the genius’ head, throwing it to the floor mindlessly, where it ended up in a heap of fabric. His own joined it soon after.

With his super-soldier power he lifted Tony up with little to no effort and set him down on the workbench again, his legs spread so Steve found place in between them. Again and again he stole kisses from Tony’s lips and even if the other wasn’t willed to offer him any other sort of comfort, at least those kisses he returned and they tasted like sweet affection and all love and ‘I love you’s.

Steve’s hands, travelling the lands of Tony’s body and brushing over smooth skin came to a sudden halt and those blue orbs’ gaze seemed to burn itself into Tony’s eyes. The soldier shook his head, leaning his forehead against Tony’s.

“Don’t” he pleaded. What other could he do than plead?

The billionaire seemed taken aback. “What?”

“Don’t be afraid. If you need me to, I’ll tell you every second of every day. ‘We won’t fuck it up. Neither you nor I’” With this being said, Steve kissed the tip of Tony’s nose, savouring the baffled expression that adored the latter’s face.

And then, while he’d already gone back to stealing kisses from Tony’s lips, he felt the touch of the other’s hand on his back, at first nothing more but the fleeting brush of skin over skin, which soon became a strong hold. So Tony did give.

Somehow, within the following ten minutes, two trousers joined the shirts on the floor, being abandoned for they’d been nothing but a mere obstacle.


	2. Stark Reality

Tony awoke to the sound of soft beeping and humming of a robot. All drowsy and comfortably pressed against a bare chest, he cracked his eyes open, just to take his surroundings in. After all, he wasn’t even thinking about getting up already.

He noted being in his workshop lying on the couch completely naked and aside from the bare skin against his back, he could feel Steve’s regular breath in his neck, assuming that the blond was still sleeping.

“J, time?” Tony whispered into the otherwise silent room, knowing that the AI would catch his low mumble and answer as quiet as possible.

“Almost half past 4 p.m., Sir.” the AI answered promptly, and Tony did a quick mental math to find out he’d been asleep for around six hours. Sighing tiredly, he turned on his other side, so he could face Steve, and after looking into his lover’s face, he closed his eyes again, simply enjoying the calm of the moment, something he had rarely the time for.

Of course he therefore missed how Steve cracked his eyes open, being awake a long time already, but the soldier had been unwilling to wake his lover when said person had spent the whole night down here and working on God knows what. As Tony cuddled into his chest, Steve admired how well their bodies fit, like two pieces of a puzzle.

Absentmindedly Steve settled his hand in Tony’s neck, massaging the uptight muscles. Tony, seemingly already asleep again, gave a soft sigh, nuzzling his nose into Steve’s armpit. It was a sight for the Gods, Steve decided and was proud at the same time, for he would be the only man ever seeing Tony like this. Tony wouldn’t present himself so vulnerable to any other human being, not even Bruce, Steve mused and that thought filled him with delight.

His hand travelled from Tony’s neck into his hair and the Cap couldn’t resist this soft brown lock’s tenderness, it was almost like they were screaming at him to comb through them. Steve did so.

This time, Tony’s respond was a short snort and his eyes flew open, staring right into endless blue. Steve smiled a warm, welcoming smile.

“Ha, knew it. You’re not asleep anymore” Tony accused light-heartedly.

“No, not really” the blond answered, sticking to the truth. “But I found to like it- watch you sleep.”

At that, the billionaire gave a playfully huff.

“Urgs- creeper. I’ll never feel save again in my own bed with you being there.”

Steve’s chest erupted with soft laugher and Tony didn’t seem to mind the little earthquake it created on the couch.

Once the super soldier had recovered from his laughing fit, he caught Tony’s gaze with his own, staring into those brown orbs, searching for hidden treasures, but Tony soon adverted his gaze, obviously uncomfortable again and only shortly after he rose and went on a search for his clothes.

Steve heaved a sigh. He was playing with the thought of bringing the topic up again, but decided against it. Instead he rose as well and caught Tony in a back hug, when the latter was about to slip his pants on. Tony froze the very moment.

“We won’t fuck this up” Steve whispered in the engineer’s ear, pressing his chest against Tony’s now fabric-covered back, one hand ghosting over the arc reactor, never really touching. He had learned early – even before they got into a relationship – that Tony wasn’t fond of _any_ person getting to close to the reactor and although Steve could only guess how important the technology really was, accepted it heavy-heartedly.

Despite the closeness, Tony relaxed again, remembering the conversation they’d had this morning.

He resumed dressing himself and the very moment he’d zipped up his fly the Avengers’ Assembling call sounded through the workshop and presumably through the whole Stark Tower as well. Tony turned to face Steve, a small smile curving his lips.

“Guess you better hurry up and get dressed. It might get a little chilly outside” he teased, eying Steve’s naked crotch.

The soldier turned a light shade of pink, but only huffed in response. “See you there.”

Tony watched as Steve collected his clothes from the floor and slipped them on in a hurry, before rushing out of the workshop. He then turned away from the room's entrance and faced the opposite wall.

"Bring it on, J."

"At your command, Sir" the AI answered smoothly and the very next moment the iron man suit flew through the room, disjoined in small parts, that stuck to Tony and unfolded themselves to full size.

Completely in his armour, Tony made his way out of the tower through one of the workshop’s big windows. The world rolled by, as he raced through the air, JARVIS having him sent the coordinates already. But before he could fly there, he had to meet up with his team of Avengers on SHIELD’s helicarrier so the organization could fill him in on all the details.

Tony arrived first on the helicarrier, for he didn’t have to wait for any other member like some of the others. He walked straight to the briefing room, once he’d landed on the carrier’s deck and waited for his friends to arrive as well. As soon as the Avengers’ quinjet had landed, the four heroes – Thor was not to be seen – entered and settled themselves around the glass table that marked the centre of the room, Iron Man being already there and throwing choky comments at them. “Have you lost our beloved God of Thunder or something?”

“Shut up, bonehead. He used his hammer.” Clint retorted, while Tony went on, annoying the rest of his friends.

Steve smiled sheepishly when Tony asked him in front of all the others how his day had been up until now. His grin was soon wiped from his lips, when Fury entered and mentioned Hydra. “Some of our spies were able to _learn_ that Hydra is experimenting with Chitauri’s DNA, as it seems. We were able to locate their labs and would like _you_ to destroy them.”

Steve’s face was clouded by a grim expression, carefully concealed fury nevertheless visible. Agent Fury went on about how the labs were located somewhere in the nowhere, seemingly surrounded by nothing but sand and sand and _sand_. Urg. Tony shuddered inwardly. He wasn’t great with sands.

Thor busted into the room the very moment the Avengers had risen, readying themselves for the fight. The God of Thunder got briefed in belatedly as Steve explained the situation to him on their way to the jet.

At first, Tony opted to join the rest of his team on the quinjet, but in the end, he decided against it again, for he settled on going ahead and checking out the situation on site. Bruce protested weakly, but Clint and Natasha got his back and Steve said nothing at all, maybe disapproving as well, but too afraid to give their relationship away if he took sides. And Thor didn’t voice his opinion either. So Iron Man left on his own.

As to be expected, he was therefore the first one to arrive in the field, his breath hitching in his throat for a brief moment when he discovered dozens of soldiers, healily armed, pushing civilians around and forcing them to enter the labs in a straight line. _This_ was _bad_. The labs were obviously heavily guarded too.

“Guys, you better hurry, a _lot_ of trash is waiting for the garbage collection” Tony informed the rest of the Avengers through their intercoms, while the team was still on its way, using the quinjet.

The engineer’s comment was followed by snorts and quiet curses, but Tony didn’t pay attention until Steve’s voice filled Iron Man’s helmet.

“Any civilians nearby?”

Now it was Tony’s turn to huff. “I’m going down, see what I can do” was his only answer, giving Steve a brief idea of how seriously the situation had to be, for Tony to not see it as some kind of game. Caged in the jet, the Captain had no way to help his lover and settle for a frustrated expression. He looked from face to face, meeting Bruce’, Natasha’s and Thor’s eyes in the process, Clint being the only one left out, for he was flying the damn jet that seemed so much slower than Iron Man. Grim expressions had settled on the Avengers’ faces, nowhere an exception to be seen. Steve nodded. “Take care.”

“Always, Cap.”

“We’ll join you in little to no time” Clint informed, having listened in on the conversation through his own intercom.

“Can’t wait, birdbrain.” Tony readied himself, starting to spiral down, while getting a better look at the situation on the ground. He had to plan his next move carefully, he decided, after all, he didn't want to endanger those people anymore than they already were. But then again, Tony couldn't come up with any good plan, other than blowing the labs up with a big _boom_. So he decided on jumping in at the deep end and hope for the best.

Iron Man landed gracefully ever so close to the lab's entry the civilians were shoved through, and Tony readied the missiles his shoulder plates held. “Hey, smile and wave, sunshine, you might make it to the front page” Tony mocked the nearest soldier, as the heavy armed man had had spun around as soon as Iron Man had landed. The soldier – dressed in all black and dark grey-ish armour – lifted his gun and aimed, but the bullets ricocheted on the armour's hard surface.

Tony looked around, locking his cross-hairs on as many targets as possible with JARVIS' help and activated his own gun afterwards. Around a good dozen of soldiers collapsed when the bullets hit their target without any error.

“There we go- going down” Tony commented dryly. Just a few more to go after…

The remaining soldiers had quickened their doings, shoving the very last civilians through the lab’s entrance and Tony was just about to eliminate them as well, when more soldiers flooded out of the building.

Just as Iron Man was about to ready himself for fight, a green giant dashed past him and got his hands on the first soldier – one finger being as long and thick as the man himself.

Tony turned around baffled, because- _huh_? Black Widow and Thor got his left side, while Captain America walked up behind him to his right flank, flashing him a sly smile before nodding almost unnoticeably. Tony’s own face set into a grim expression as he returned the gesture, but of course Steve couldn’t see, for iron man’s helmet covered it.

Behind Steve, Hawkeye showed up, a grin splitting his face in two. “Missed us, Ironclad?”

Tony huffed at the newly given nickname, although he’d already had worse. “So much. Like athlete’s foot.”

“Boys, stop bickering” Natasha interrupted rather rudely, before turning to Steve for orders: “What’s the plan?”

 Steve didn’t respond the very moment, probably thinking the group’s options through.

Tony grew impatient. “You do your plan-and-order thing. Don’t count me in until dinner!” the engineer shouted over his shoulder while bursting forwards with the repulsors’ help and flying right through a group of soldiers.

He heard Steve shouting at his retreating back and knew his save return would be celebrated with a lecture, but there were the lives of innocents at stake and he couldn’t let them get harmed, for so many had already died because of him; he was Tony fucking Stark, the most blasé mass murder since Karl Fritzsch. And he was Iron Man and while he might not be able to change what he had done, he actually could decide what he would do now.

With the Hulk there – running after the soldiers and clearly enjoying himself – it was surprisingly easy to get to the lab’s entrance. The guards were too occupied with fighting off the green monster and at some point the other Avengers joined the fight as well and Iron Man slipped through the door almost unnoticed.

After the endless landscape filled with nothing but heat and sand, the white corridor Tony had entered appeared almost cold although he basically couldn’t feel it through the suit.

The billionaire landed and walked through the empty hallway, looking into every room he came across, but no soul was to be seen, until he went downstairs, where he finally caught sight of the civilians, only guarded by three soldiers, urging them to walk faster.

“Hey there! Leaving without note?” Tony asked cockily, blocking the way he’d come from. The solders spun around irritated and lifted their guns but never got to fire away. Tony brought his right arm up and the repulsor's beam slammed the closest soldier into the wall. The left ones turned on their heels and fled deeper into the building, never looking back, although Iron Man wasn’t even following them. Nevertheless, the engineer sure as hell wasted a thought on doing so.

Tony lifted his face plate, actually looking into the civilian’s frightened faces. He caught sight of a small girl, not older than ten and smiled as reassuring as Tony Stark possably could.

“Okay guys, everyone stays calm now. Get into a neat line and out we go. Oh- and don’t forget to take your picture with Iron Man afterwards-”

A big _boom_ cut him off.

* * *

 

“Steve...”

“I'm sorry, Sir. The blast has destroyed the link with the other Avengers.”

“Steve.” Tony coughed.

“Sir, I have to inform you that your intercom was destroyed. Direct communication with the Avengers is currently impossible.” JARVIS stressed emphatically.

Soundlessly, Tony let the AI's words sink in. He stared straight ahead. Dust lingered in the air. Tony simply watched it spiral down. Blue particle joined it on its way down.

 _Huh_ \- it felt like he was forgetting something... like being hit by an explosion. The sudden realisation hit him and he jolted into a sitting position- or would have, if it hadn't been for tons of bricks and parts of the buildings that pinned him down to the floor he was lying on.

“J...” Tony whimpered and was glad that no-one but his AI could hear him.

“Sir, I advise you to remain unmoving. Help is already on its way”, JARVIS informed his creator with his usual cocky voice, although something sounding close to worry laced his words.

Tony shook his head rapidly. His world faded into darkness for a seemingly endless moment, before his senses came back. The billionaire protested nevertheless: “J, you can't let anyone come in... tell them something strange is in the air... the explosion set a bunch of unknown chemicals free- I think.”

“Very well, Sir” the AI retorted bluntly.

“Good... don't let them enter unprotected, get it, J?” Tony started to slur. “Hey J... I'll just take... a short nap, 'kay? U can wake me up when... september ends- no wait, that's- huh, that's the title of a song, isn't it?” Although Tony had sounded like he'd fall asleep the very moment, live came back at least to his mouth, it seemed.

“Yes Sir, it's a song's title. Furthermore I have to insist on you delaying you nap. You suffer a serve concussion, and falling asleep is not advised. Please go on talking. Tell me all the little things I never wanted to know.” Obviously, the AI's cockiness had returned.

Tony twisted his uncovered face in a baffled look. “What do you mean you 'never wanted to know'. You are supposed to hang on my every word! The whole damn world hangs on my every word... even if they are too slurred or twisted to make any sense, so-” Tony broke up in the middle of the sentence. He went on with sudden small voice “Hey J, everyone else is dead, aren't they?”

Silence rang in the billionaire's ears, even drowning out the sound of his own heart beat that had filled his head up until now. JARVIS took his time to answer. He sounded at a loss for words when he did, eventually.

„Positive, Sir. My condolence.“

Tony shook his head unwilling to believe and again, the motion brought him to border of his consciousness. “There was a little girl. Not older than ten years. She must have survived... You just didn't catch her vital signs.”

Tony went right into denial and the AI's next words only pushed him deeper in his self-inflicted pain.

“I'm sorry, Sir. No survivors.”

“Liar!” Tony chocked out. He felt his breath speeding and his vision darken. He was about to actually start fighting with his AI over the explosion's extent, when the debris which had held him down moved.

Tony cried out in agony. The very moment he caught sight of the Hulk and could only assume that his quarrel with JARVIS had focused his already limited concentration on the AI's voice.

“Bruce- Hulk, dear, you might wanna put that down”, Tony voiced through clenched teeth when he felt the damage the collapsed building had done to his body. How could he not have noticed the pain in his- basically _everywhere_?

The Hulk gave a snort, but let go of the metal construction he had planned to remove.

“Are you the only member of the rescue team?” Tony asked and eyed the Hulk vaguely. Of course, the green giant didn't wear any kind of protection against chemicals which might were in the air, but Tony mused that the Hulk was immune to basically _anything_ anyway, so it should be okay, right?

The Hulk didn't really answer, he just looked over his shoulder, and soon enough, Steve, Clint, Natasha and Thor ran up to them, everyone wearing a high-tech looking gasmask.

Steve was the first one to arrive, falling to his knees besides Tony.

“Tony!? Hey Tony, can you hear me?” the captain asked franticly. He would have – without doubt – snatched one of Iron Man’s hands, if they hadn’t been covered by fragments of the building.

“Yeah, I can hear you scream into my ears” Tony retorted, putting as much cockiness into his voice as he could muster. Not doing so would have been like exposing himself to the others.

Steve heaved a breath.

“Oh thank God! When the explosion went off- and you didn’t answer anymore… I already thought the worst.” Steve rubbed his hand over his tired face, relief replacing fear and terror.

“Have been hoping to get rid of me, finally, haven’t you” Tony tried to joke, but failed miserably regarding Natasha’s following comment. The spy had examined the pile of debris closely.

“That will hurt, Stark. But there is no other way to get that off- Hulk, lift it off.”

Tony had no time to convince anyone that lifting the debris off was a really _bad_ idea, and when he opened his mouth to argue, a pain filled scream ripped from his throat. Oh, he would absolutely kill Natasha for that; never ever would he forgive her!

Some metal parts of the building had perforated his Iron Man suit and drilled themselves into Tony’s body. Now he felt them pulling on him, ripping away his flesh- or at least, that was what it felt like. His left hand came free and someone snatched it with firm grip, holding on to him tight- Steve?

Tony’s vision started to black out again, and there was nothing the billionaire would have appreciated more than the darkness that wrapped itself around his consciousness.

“Hey, Captain, we need your help here- and keep him awake. Talk to-” Clint’s muffled voice was the last thing Tony’s lazy brain registered, before it shut down. Therefore, the thing guiding him into darkness were those words, and after long nothingness spent in darkness Tony dreamed- he dreamed about reaching out for Captain America, screaming for help, as his whole body burned, the desert’s heat eating away on it…

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, the chapter was hard to write for me... I'm really not good at writing action scenes, but I did my best. The next chapter will come smoother...


	3. Heat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter's up, yeah!  
> Enjoy!  
> Oh, and btw, I'm looking for someone willing to beta this story... if there's someone out there interested in doing so, and comfortable with English, I’d really appreciate help ^^

Tony fought against awakening. Whenever his consciousness piped its head up, he’d beat it back to sleep. Awaking meant facing his doings- facing the pain he’d created.

So Tony chose to sleep instead, although nightmares hunted him down. Heat and sand would eat away on his body and there would be nothing left of him but the black corpse of a fire victim.

Sometimes he would turn into a child and rip his own hair out in frustration as well.

But he chose to sleep nevertheless. Occasionally, he would hear people talking to him. But he would turn away from their soothing voices and empty promises. Because he wanted to sleep so he could deny- pretend a little longer, for the sake of his own sanity.

* * *

 

Steve combed through Tonys hair absentmindedly.

“Hey, has he awoken yet?” Steve jumped upon Bruce entering the white, sterile room and the soldier pulled his hand back quickly, afraid that the doctor would see through the soothing motion.

“No, not so far” Steve answered and his voice wavered ever so slightly, panic carefully concealed.

“Don’t worry, he will eventually. It’s Tony Stark we are talking about” Bruce reassured and to Steve it sounded like he knew about Tony’s and Steve’s relationship. The Captain only nodded in agreement, at a lack of better responses.

Bruce took the stool on Tony’s other side as Steve clamed one for himself already, and the doctor’s gaze scanned the billionaire.

Tony looked small and vulnerable. His face sported a black eye and under the covers, most part of his body was wrapped into soft gauze.

The Iron Man suit had enabled a miracle. Thanks to the hard material the suit was built of, Tony had survived an explosion that had killed dozens of civilians, as the top levels of the lab had carved in and buried them, yet the billionaire hadn’t gotten away unharmed.

The metal constructions reinforcing the building’s walls had drilled themselves through the suit and stabbed Tony into his abdomen multiple times, as well as his right thigh, were they had fractured the bone.

Steve took in the way Bruce examined Tony, and a bad feeling clutched his guts. “How does the research on the chemicals come along?” the soldier asked, dreading the answer he would get.

But Bruce simply shook his head.

“It contained Chitaury DNA. And... I recognized some structures as part of the Super Soldier Serum.... I think they tried to reproduce and improve it in the process.”

Steve’s mouth gaped open. “So he will be like me?” It was funny, really, how that was the first thing that jumped to his mind and he didn’t even notice his own mindlessness until Bruce pointed it out when the doctor shook his head unhappily.

“I don’t know yet. We still have to wait for his awakening. But it’s very unlikely. They- they failed it, Steve. It won’t work...” Steve felt like there was a big _but_ Bruce hadn’t voiced, but he didn’t dare to ask either. So it stood in the room unspoken until Bruce decided on his own to go on: “...but if it has any effects on Tony, I highly doubt we will appreciate them.”

This time, it was Steve who shook his head- in resignation. He buried his face in his hands and huffed.

“He should have waited for orders- hell, a plan at least. Why can’t he just think first?!” Rage took the better of the soldier, and he rose, pacing up and down in the hospital room. “He’s supposed to be a genius after all! So how can he be that stupid?” Steve faced Bruce with an angry expression, his face flushed with untamed fury. Bruce opened his mouth, but no words came out and after a heartbeat, he closed it again. Steve flopped into his chair, feeling drained suddenly and lacking the energy to pace through the room anymore.

“It wasn’t his fault” he declared only seconds later, stultifying himself. “It was actually mine. If I’d come up with some kind of plan in time...” Steve shook his head again, and as he went on, his voice gained strength again. “No, actually, it _is_ his! He’s always so damn impatient. All of this is his fault, so it’s only fair he has to suffer the consequences!” Within the blink of an eye, Steve changed his mind the fourth time in only mere seconds: “But I’m the leader. I should have stopped him when he dashed forward. That’s my job, making sure everyone is alright and comes home at the end of the day, right? What am I even here for, if I can’t even look after this... this damn stubborn blockhead?!”

Steve looked at Bruce and there was something in his gaze that seemed to seek help, an answer of any kind, so Bruce slowly voiced his opinion: “As our leader it’s only natural that you feel like you’re responsible for our all’s well-being. But actually, you’re not. Tony is a grown up. He can handle himself, even if it doesn’t always look like that-” Steve was about to interrupt the doctor, so Bruce raised his voice a tiny little bit. “And it’s only natural you’re angry, seeing Tony like this. So you’re looking for something to actually be angry at and logically it’s either Tony for having brought himself into this situation to start with, or you, because there had been nothing you could have done, and that leaves you with the empty feeling of impotence. But you do realize I’m not that kind of doctor, do you?” Bruce ended his conclusion rather bluntly, rising in one smooth motion.

Steve blinked, all fury and desperation disappearing into thin air. “Huh” was his only response, stunned by the sharp analysis.

Bruce grabbed Tony’s left hand and gave it a short, but firm and reassuring squeeze, while studying the other’s relaxed face. The doctor set his gaze on Steve, as he put Tony’s hand under the blanked again.

“Talk to him. He _can_ hear you. It might helps him coming back to reality.” Steve nodded wordlessly. At this point he doubted Tony could really hear them. Clint, Natasha, Thor and Steve himself had sat beside the billionaire, lulling his unconscious form into soft and calming words, but Tony hadn’t reacted so far.

It wasn’t like Steve actually played with the thought of giving up, because this was his lover lying there, and as long as the arc reactor worked – and probably even beyond that – Steve would never give up. It was more like he was losing hope. He felt helpless. It had been four days already, and Tony had never been hurt this seriously- save for his self-sacrificing act at the Chitauris’ attack.

It was easy to forget that within the Iron Man suit an ordinary man hid- a genius, yes, but nevertheless a mere human without the special training Natasha or Clint had enjoyed; a human being so fragile compared to Steve or Thor; a human being with no guarding second guy who would spit the bullets out after being shot. And never mind the armor, because without it, Tony was easy to be hurt.

Bruce left the room and Steve was once again all alone with the unmoving form of his lover. The soldier sighed and rubbed his tired face before going back to comb through the other’s dark hair.

* * *

 

Someone gripped Steve’s hand and moved it. The soldier had left it in Tony’s and jolted awake now upon the movement, excitement and relief both present in his blue eyes’ gaze. That was until he saw what was actually going on.

Natasha had carefully untangled his and Tony’s fingers and laid Steve’s hand to rest on the soldier’s own thigh. Bewildered, Steve pulled his hand out of her gaps.

“What’s going on?” Steve’s voice was hoarse and not as muffled as he had intended it to be. Natasha gave him a quick smile, before brushing over Tony’s cheek in a soothing motion.

“I just figured you might not want the others to see you like that. But maybe I’m mistaken.” The spy left room for accusations where none were present, and wordlessly asked for trust at the same time. Steve shook his head to get rid of the tiredness.

“Guess we couldn’t fool you, could we?” Steve finally admitted after a moment of silence.

“No, you couldn’t _forever_ ” Nat corrected, rounding Tony’s bed to claim the stool Bruce had only hours before. “But you did fairly great. It took me quite some time to catch on. At first, I thought it was some kind of an alpha male behavior thing.”

That left Steve with a small grin, whatever the serious situation.

“So what gave us away?” It was nice, having a little distraction.

“Mostly that look on your face whenever one of us would interrupt a moment of intimacy you shared with Tony. You’d always seem so caught in the act.” Natasha smiled kindly. “That was the most suspicious. But aside from that- I don’t know, I guess it were those tiny touches and deep stares...”

“Huh.” Steve huffed in bafflement. “It doesn’t bother you” he then stated.

Natasha looked slightly hurt by Steve’s distrust. “It’s your thing. Nothing I should interfere with. Haven’t you told anyone because you were afraid of our reaction?”

“No, it was more like- I don’t know. At first it felt strange. It’s not about men at all! It’s only about Tony- but still, it was... disturbing. I couldn’t really accept myself that _way_ , so I didn’t- I didn’t say anything. And Tony just did the same. So I guess, he doesn’t want anyone to know either...” Steve stared at his hands, before mustering the courage to reach out for Tony’s hand in front of Natasha. Carefully, he closed his own hand around the sleek fingers.

Natasha watched the motion. “I won’t tell anybody. But the others won’t judge you, remember that, Steve.” Again, the spy gave him a kind smile.

Silence engulfed the two of them, as all words had been said and nothing was left to discuss. Steve watched Tony’s unmoving face. Nothing gave away whatever the other dreamed or just drifted through endless darkness- he seemed relaxed, and at the same time- if it hadn’t been for some of the machines monitoring the billionaire, Steve would have pronounced him dead.

The soldier heaved a sigh, his thumb brushing over the soft skin of Tony’s hand.

* * *

 

The world burned. Flames danced through the sand, melting it into dark glass. Tony watched. It was beautiful to look at, yet threatening. Tony rose his hands and examined them, not even surprised when he found himself made out of dark glass as well.

The desert’s heat had melted him into something new, had transformed him. He felt vulnerable now. One stroke would shatter him into thousands upon thousands of broken bits of glass, and no-one would care to recompose them- recompose him. He studied his hand closer and recognized little whirls within the black surface. It was then that he realized that the dark color of the glass pulsated, flowing like liquid.

He looked up from his hands with the realization that he wasn’t made out of dark glass, but the glass could be seen through and everything he contained was darkness. It frightened him to no extend, and he turned on his heels and ran for his own sanity.

Behind a big rock, he found cover from the desert’s heat. He slumped to the ground. Tony sat there, and racked his brain upon something that lingered in the back of his mind but he couldn’t put his finger on. He wanted to disappear. Oh, how he wished to find a way out of the heat.

* * *

 

Next time Tony opened his eyes, darkness engulfed him. He was standing on an invisible ground, for there was nothing but darkness and above his head, a pitch black sky stretched for miles, never starting, never ending.

Tony stayed still for what felt like an eternity. He didn’t dare to move. Time was meaningless. It didn’t tick by. Finally, Tony fell to his knees. He curled in on himself and screamed, he screamed as loud as he could, for someone to liberate him. But sounds meant nothing in the darkness.

* * *

 

Clint rested his head against the wall. “Man, I never thought I’d say this, but I do miss his big mouth right now.”

Clint sighed and closed his eyes.

Steve only hummed approvingly while Natasha didn’t even as much as acknowledge the comment. She had her eyes closed as well, but the soothing motion she caressed Tony’s left hand with proofed that she hadn’t fallen asleep yet.

“Nat and I went to the site of the explosion again, but there wasn’t a damn thing we could learn- we still don’t even know what blew up. It sucks” Clint informed. Obviously, the depressing silence made him so uncomfortable that he tried to fill it with words.

“Okay” Steve said flatly. After the anger that had smothered him only just yesterday had subsided, he found himself unwillingly to be confronted with the whole situation. He wanted Tony to finally open his God damn eyes and smile at him.

But instead, all Tony did was lying there motionless, while all Steve could do was holding his hand when no-one watched. It was frustrating to a certain extent, but not to be compared with the burning anger that had eaten away on the soldier before.

Clint opened his eyes and nodded in his corner, from where he watched Tony... well, lying in a coma was the right description.

When the silence became too heavy to bear again, Clint strolled over to Tony’s bed.

“Oh man” the archer patted Tony’s blanket-covered foot, and everyone in the room knew it was a goodbye Clint was offering the billionaire now “it sucks being Tony Stark, doesn’t it?”

Hawkeye heaved a tired sigh, before he offered the others an exhausted smile. “I’ll go get some sleep. Maybe even try to eat something...” His voice faded to the end and it seemed he was rather talking to himself than to any of those present.

Natasha nodded. “You do that. We hold the line” the spy promised.

As soon as Clint was gone, Steve reached out for Tony’s hand. It was cold and maybe, just maybe, Tony’s brain had taken severer damage than they thought, Steve mused. He rubbed the cold skin with his own fingers to get some warmth back into it.

Mindlessly, Steve stared at the hand in his, when Natasha’s voice interrupted the sweet silence that had engulfed him.

“Once you accept, it’s gone.”

“What.” Steve eyed her vaguely, as her words were out of context and he couldn’t make any sense of them.

“Whatever it is you have with Tony. Once you accept he’s like... _this_ , it doesn’t even matter whatever he awakes. It will be gone than. Carried to grave; nothing but a sweet memory.”

Steve blinked, still unable to figure out what it was the spy wanted to tell him. “So?” he asked.

“So you better do not accept it. I know it’s tempting. It’s been five days and you’ve done nothing but watching him lie here. But if you ever accept he’s gone... he can’t come back, you know.”

“So you think he _is_ gone?” Steve caught on to the uncertainty in her words. But Natasha simply smiled.

“Oh come on, it’s Tony Stark we’re talking about.” It was the only explanation Steve needed.

He thought about what Natasha had said and smiled a tiny little bit, although not out of happiness. But he saw her point now. If he accepted that Tony was... a lost case in any way, and the other awoke again, it wouldn’t be the same anymore. Accepting the feeling of loss would change everything and in the long run, he’d lose Tony.

Maybe he should get out of the hospital room for at least an hour or so. Just to remember himself that the world still pulsed with life.

“Guess you’re right. You know what? I thing I’m going to get a shower as well. Keep watching him?”

Nat smiled and nodded as she watched Steve putting the billionaire’s hand back under the blanket and kissing Tony’s forehead afterwards.

* * *

 

Tony jolted awake, or his mind did, while his body laid unmoving. the billionaire tried to crack his eyes open, but his body wouldn’t move. Soft peeping and quiet voices lulled him back into sleep, where darkness and heat awaited him. Tony was frightened.

 

 

The next time Tony became conscious, someone held his hand. The smooth skin felt warm against his own and Tony didn’t even try to move his body. He was tired and drifted back into sleep only seconds after awaking.

Nice, dreamless sleep; all his demons he had already fought.

 

 

He would remember glimpses of a white room, of Steve looking at him hopefully, of Clint talking to him, of Bruce touching him in various places, but he wouldn’t know when he’d acquired those impressions. He would listen to soft murmurs and drift into endless sleep again.

* * *

 

He had stared at the ceiling for quite some time when he finally realized that his eyes where open. With the sudden realization burning pain rolled through his body in waves, and an agonized moan escaped Tony’s throat.

It was then that the form sitting in the stool beside his bed came to life. Someone grabbed his hand, another one combing through his hair. Tony recognized Steve’s voice the very instant and relaxed slightly.

“Shh, it’s alright. I’m here. You’re fine.”

An annoying peeping disturbed the intimacy Steve’s voice held and Tony wanted nothing more than to sink back into the endless darkness of sleep, but he was wide awake, as his brain jumped back to life.

_He was in a hospital!_

Tony tried to form words, but what left his lips remembered him of a dying cat rather than an actual word. Nevertheless, it alerted Steve, who leaned over Tony, so the soldier’s face came into the billionaire’s focus.

“Tony?” Steve sounded erratic, and his gaze scanned the other’s face. Again, at lack of better articulation, Tony moaned.

“Hey, Tony- oh my- hey...” Steve seemed not to know what he wanted to say first, and instead, he leaned down and pressed his lips against Tony’s. Taken by surprise Tony was relieved when he found his own one’s returning the kiss.

Up until now, it had been Steve who had hold his hand, but Tony tried to adjust his grip on the soldier, out of fear the blonde could let go.

Steve broke away from the kiss and smiled down on Tony instead.

“There you are- everything’s alright. I- I’ll only call a doctor, okay. Just- see, I just have to press that button.” Steve leaned forwards a little bit to reach a bright red button and Tony followed his motion with his gaze. When Steve had pressed it, he hovered over Tony again, one hand in the billionaire’s, while the other still combed through the brown locks.

That moment the room was entered by someone else, and Steve pulled his hands back, although Tony tried to hold on so desperately. Suddenly he remembered heat and darkness, and fear rose in his chest.

“Steve.” The word stumbled over his lips without him realizing, a mere whisper at first, then – as he repeated it again and again – his voice gathered strength until he was screaming, or at least he was screaming in his head, he was screaming as loud as he could for Steve to not let go.

Darkness tried to wrap around his consciousness, but was ushered away by soft words.

“It’s alright. I’m right here. Right here, see?”

Tony watched without understanding what was going on around him, as doctors and nurses examined him. Only Steve’s voice guided him through the process, as a constant tower of strength and Tony held on to it, until finally, Steve was holding his hand again, enwrapping him with whispered sweet, little nothings. Again, Tony drifted into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some things said in this chapter will be important at a later point again, so there was a lot of talking, I know... action will follow in the next chapter :)


End file.
